2019

This year, and 2018, have had some very big challenges for my family.  Not everything was bad, but there's a lot of things we've been through that I would prefer never to go through again.  However, I'm pretty happy with where my life is at this point.

From my Facebook page...

I’m sure I’m not the only one who is reflecting on 2019 as it comes to a close...

1. First of all, 2019 was definitely better than 2018 in the health area. I finished up my cancer treatment in May of this year. It really feels like so long ago. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like it really happened. I’m thankful everyday for modern medicine, my body’s ability to go through what I did, and that I was one year cancer-free on August 8. 😄

2. Andy and I made some changes to our ranch business this year. It was definitely a tough decision but I believe we did what’s best for our family. It’s nice having all of our ranch operation closer to home. 🐮

3. One of this year’s highlights is the closeness that I’ve developed with Abigail. I took a couple trips to San Luis Obispo to spend time with her and they were really great. I’m very grateful to have this amazing relationship. 🥰

4. J.T. getting his drivers license this fall has been so freeing for me. That might sound strange but it’s given me more flexibility with my schedule. I do miss chatting with him on the way to and from school, though. However, being able to drive has really helped Andy on the ranch. 🚜

5. My dad and I have tried to go to breakfast periodically this year. It’s been great to reconnect and talk about everything under the sun. Hope to do it more often in 2020. 🍳

6. My mom, my sister Mary, my cousin Alison, my Auntie Barb, and I met up in Calistoga for a girls’ food and wine trip in May. This was a celebration trip after all my treatments, but it was also a great bonding trip for my mom and I on the drive down. 🍷

7. Last but not least, I absolutely love my career path. I love going to the office everyday; I love my awesome team, and trying to help them grow, succeed, and be happy; I love being part of the Fortuna small-business community; and I love trying to make my business the best it can be. 🏡

Bring it on 2020– I know it will be awesome!

Mothers Day

One of Abigail's gifts to me was this amazing tattoo.  The "<3 Mom" is my handwriting that she brought to the tattoo place to be put on. It meant so much to me that she did that. 

Celebration Dinner

Our celebration dinner out...  who knows where we are?

DONE-DONE-DONE

I can't believe it- I'm finally done with chemo.  It's been much easier these past few months, then at the start, but you have no idea how happy I am to be done!  For "fun", here's a picture from my first chemo to today:

I had a great crew with me today to watch me ring the bell...  it meant a lot to have most of my favorite people there.

These two weren't able to be there, but at least they were together...  (at an FFA event at Cal Poly)

I can't even put into words how it feels to be done.  This last 14 months has been surreal... almost like it didn't really happen.

And here's the bell ringing we've all been waiting for...

I didn't really notice it until I watched this video, but look at the smile on my face!  So happy to be done.

And Sandi brought be flowers... <3

My friend Sara caught this sweet moment between Andy and I afterwards.

Thank you everyone who kept up on my journey.  I so appreciate it and I hope that this blog can help other people going forward.

March 1 thoughts

Warning- this is not a warm and fuzzy post, and has some strong language at the end.

Today is March 1, 2019. I haven’t written here in a couple months.  Things have been going well with my treatments so I haven’t really had a whole lot to write home about.  I probably should’ve tried to keep writing because it helps me process things.  It helps me sort through my feelings.  I thought I was doing pretty well mentally/emotionally but the last week has been tough.  I’m not sure if it’s the fact that my diagnos-iversary is coming up, or if it’s that my treatment is almost done, but I’ve had these negative feelings come up.  The best way I can describe them is that I’ve been pissed off at the world.

I don’t remember the exact day I found the lump in my breast but it was at the end of February last year.  March 1, 2018 was the official start of this journey— it was the day I had a doctors appointment with my regular doctor.  I’m not sure if I said this before, but I wasn’t really worried.  I thought she’d end up saying it was nothing to worry about.  But she didn’t.  She wanted me to get a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound as soon as possible.  It was about time for my regular annual mammogram anyway so I was okay with that.

Those that know me well know that I’m a worrywart and an over-thinker.  I think back to last year and wonder why I wasn’t more worried.  Not that it would’ve done any good to be worried and stressed.

It took a few days to get in for the mammogram and ultrasound, which ended up being on March 6.  The mammogram was first then the ultrasound.  At the end of the appointment, the radiologist came in and said we needed to do a biopsy because they saw something suspicious in the lymph nodes, in addition to the breast lump.  That’s when I knew.  That’s when I got worried.

March 16, 2018 was the day I got the official word that it was breast cancer.

I’m sitting here at the oncology center waiting to start infusion #10 of 13.  These infusions are easy— no real side effects.  And according to my oncologist the two meds in the infusion, Herceptin and Perjeta, are wonder drugs.  Hope he’s right.

Back to how I’ve been feeling... I feel like I have kept a positive attitude throughout the past year.  It’s actually made it easier to get through things to stay positive, but it’s like it’s changed lately.  I go through periods of time where I’m really fucking pissed.  It’s not even that I’m pissed I got cancer or that I had to go through over a year of treatments and surgery.  I’m really fucking pissed that I truly believe there’s a cure for cancer out there, but the big pharmaceutical companies make way too much money from these chemo drugs to allow a cure “out of the bag.”

I consider myself a strong woman.  And I have a positive attitude about the future.  I’m doing what I can to keep this cancer from coming back.  Sometimes it feels like I have to battle against big pharma because they make more money when there’s more cancer in this world.

In the last month, I’ve been connected with two other ladies (friends of friends) that have been diagnosed with BC.  It’s becoming more prevalent and it makes me angry that there’s probably a cure out there.  I wish there was something we could do.

I should’ve written this post awhile ago because writing always makes me feel better.

Done with 2018... onto 2019!

It's hard to believe it's the last day of 2018.  I can't ever remember a time when I've had such love-hate feelings about a particular year.  In other words, I have loved some of the things that have happened in 2018 and I've hated others.  It won't come as a shock that my most negative feelings about 2018 are related to my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.  Even though my treatments aren't quite done yet, I'm over the tough part.  But I still hate that breast cancer was part of 2018 for my family.

However, there were so many amazing, positive things that came after my diagnosis and during my treatment.  I will never say that I'm glad that I got breast cancer, but I feel so incredibly grateful for the wonderful people in my life and the support that I received over the year.  My bestie got a tattoo with me.  My husband and kids took really good care of me.  I connected with some other cancer survivors who have since become friends.  Friends and family members sent gifts, meals, cards, and well wishes.  There was one other thing that happened during this time.  I realized how tough I am.  Maybe I knew it all along... but this journey made me look back and say, yes, I am a warrior!

On that positive note, some of the other positive things that happened in 2018 were:  I bought Six Rivers Property Management and I love being part of the amazing team of ladies; J.T. graduated from 8th grade; Abigail graduated from high school and started at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo; and Andy and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary in October.

I will leave you with my family's Christmas card... Happy New Year everyone!

December update

I didn’t realize it had been two months since I’d updated my journey here.  I finished radiation on October 30.  My skin handled it pretty well, but I was definitely glad to be done.  It took a couple weeks to get rid of the discomfort and pain.  Since that time, I’ve had every 3 week oncology doctor appointments followed by Herceptin and Perjeta infusions (a.k.a. chemo light).  I have to do 13 of them and should be done in early May 2019.

I ended up losing 30-40% of my hair- good thing I had a lot to begin with. But to most people, you probably can’t tell that I lost so much hair.  I’m so glad I did the cold caps.  I highly recommend it.  I’m getting plenty of regrowth so there’s little curly hairs coming in underneath.

Right now, as we speak, I’m getting Infusion #7 of 13... so over halfway done!