Travel bug

As I go through these treatments, I can't stop thinking about all the places that I want to travel to.  I've always loved to travel, but lately, I think of a different place that I want to go, almost daily.  Sometimes the ideas come to me randomly... sometimes it's from a picture I see on Facebook... sometimes it's from a book that I'm reading... sometimes it's from a suggestion on Pinterest.... some of these places I've been before and want to return to.

So far I've come up with (in no particular order):

Paris
Italy
The Carolinas
Eastern U.S. to see the fall colors
Cabo San Lucas
Philippines
Hong Kong
Las Vegas
Seattle
New York City
New Orleans

And I'm sure my list will continue to grow...

Lifelong friends

Andy and I got married almost 20 years ago and these 6 ladies were my bridesmaids (and flowergirl, Brooke).  It's easy to get busy with our own lives and lose touch sometimes.  But I'm so thankful that ALL of these ladies have reached out in different ways, and helped me so much since my diagnosis.  They've all been so encouraging and supportive-- I'm so happy to have them all in my life!

I feel honored

I received this in the mail a couple days ago.  A contribution was made in my honor to the local Breast and GYN Health Project.  I feel so honored and appreciative to the Tomasini family.  This project does a lot in our area for people going through treatments.  They have resources available and support groups, etc.  It's such an amazing feeling to be part of the good that this Project does for our area.

J.T.'s 8th grade graduation

One of my goals when scheduling my treatments was to make sure I didn't miss out on any of the kids' end of school year activities.  J.T.'s 8th grade graduation was the final activity of the school year and that makes me happy.  Here's a couple pictures....

This is real

Most people that know me well, know that I'm about as "real" as it gets.  This is a real post about how it feels to have breast cancer and go through chemo.  I try to keep up my positive attitude 99% of the time, but today, this is real... and definitely not so positive.  I absolutely hate complaining because, really, what good does it do.  However, my very wise bestie reminded me that sometimes you just need to get it out.  She's right- sometimes you need to just feel the feelings, vent and get it out so you can move on.  So that's what I'm going to do.

I haven't posted lately and I realized why this morning.  I had chemo #3 on Thursday (4 days ago) and I haven't felt good the past couple days.  Not only haven't I felt good, but I've been struggling mentally.  Maybe that's a tougher struggle.  I've been angry and frustrated that I feel icky.  I have been a little pissed that I have breast cancer and have to go through this.  I'm upset I spent Mothers Day in the hospital and missed celebrating Fathers Day.  I'm bummed I glazed through graduations and safe and sober.  I barely remember them.  I didn't get to feel the emotions that I wanted to feel.  I didn't get to enjoy it like I wanted.  I hope I didn't cheat my kids out of these milestones by not experiencing them.

Breast cancer sucks.  Chemo sucks worse.  I know we've made some huge progress with my treatment, but I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of the lack of energy.  I'm tired of my house being a disaster.  I'm tired of not feeling in control of my life.  I'm really tired of food not tasting like it's supposed to.  I'm tired of this stomachache that is ever-present.

Ok vent over.

Hair washing day!

Today is hair washing day!  Always is a nice feeling to wash my hair on Sundays.  I used to be a daily hair washer and took for granted being able to do that.  Since I'm doing the chemo cold cap to avoid or minimize hair loss, I have to be VERY gentle with my hair.  I only wash it once a week now.  I have to use a super gentle shampoo.  I've never used a brush on it so that hasn't changed.  I comb it with a wide tooth comb after washing, but the rest of the time just use my hands to (try to) keep it under control.  I'm not supposed to use any heat styling products (but I cheat a little and use a flat iron on my bangs).  I try not to use much in the way of styling products except for spray-in or leave-in conditioner.

After 2 chemo treatments, I should've lost most or all of it by now. The cold cap seems to be working and I'm happy about that.  It wasn't that bad, but it's quite a regimen. 

I have to wear it for an hour before chemo, all during, and 3 hours after.... and it is COLD.  It's supposed to be about -32 to -35 degrees (yes, I said negative).  We have to switch it every 30 minutes to a new one. Usually right around the time, my head gets used to the cold temperature, it's time to switch to a new one. The kit comes with 6 caps so we keep rotating them.  We keep them in dry ice during chemo to keep them super cold.  Only 2 more chemo treatments with the cold caps!

Graduation day!

Big day yesterday for Abigail and our family.  Since my last chemo, I've been worried about how I'd feel for graduation day.  Good news- I felt really good, considering.  I was very surprised and honored that Abigail added a pink breast cancer ribbon to her grad cap decorations. 

We are so proud of everything Abigail has accomplished during her 4 years at Fortuna High.  Now, onto Cal Poly, SLO....